I like to travel. I travel often. Sometimes when I go on vacation, to save a few bucks on an excursion, I will torture myself with a timeshare pitch. I admit, I financed an entire Las Vegas trip simply by attending a variety of “vacation rental presentations.” I have probably been to a dozen of these sales presentations. Only once was I weak enough to actually purchase the vacation. I have regretted it ever since. (I am a firm believer in the fact you cannot beat Expedia’s hotel and airfare deals, but I digress.)

The first day of our epic, two-week, family vacation to Hawaii I went on the hunt for luau tickets. I wanted to make this once-in-a-lifetime trip as memorable as possible for my kids. (If you are a parent, you know the feeling. You only have them for so long and want to make as many memories as you can.) I approached a ticket counter at Waikiki Beach that boldly announced luau tickets for $20.00.

Immediately, I was informed of the catch. You had to sit through a 90 minute sales presentation. As luck would have it, they had space available for my family in a couple hours! I was given all the usual sales talk; I swear it will only be 60 minutes, it never lasts 90. You can bring your kids, they have a recreation area specifically for them. No high pressure tactics. Just politely decline and you will be given your gift and graciously escorted out. If you travel to any major resort areas, you know the routine.

I had some time before we were able to check into our hotel so I accepted the invitation. (He even said he would throw in a case of chocolate covered macadamia nuts just for the heck of it!) It was pretty much down hill from there….

We showed up at the Bank of Hawaii building and went to the 3rd floor for our appointment. Immediately when we arrived we were informed that the “kid’s area” wasn’t open on Saturday. Why wouldn’t the “kid’s area” be opened on the main day during the week when kids are with their parents? They asked if I would be willing to come back when I didn’t have them with me. I declined. They put us in a waiting room to determine if we could attend the presentation with our kid’s there. After waiting for about 20 minutes the sales manager, Brian (picture sleezy used car salesman and you have gotten close), comes in and tries to talk me into coming back. I again declined. They finally said we could go to the presentation and they would acquiesce my kids with a portable DVD player and Shrek.

The sales presentation was so amusing. The speaker was pretty funny and engaging but once you have heard one pitch you have heard them all. My favorite part was the other sales representatives who laughed on cue and elbowed their prospective client with each cheese ball comment. With every timeshare pitch there is always some vacationer that has very low sales resistance that is absolutely mesmerized by the spectacular opportunity we are being given. Our weak minded traveller just happened to be from Canada. She asked 8 questions during the pitch (I counted and almost threw something at her multiple times). Her questions made the sales pitch last 2 hours. I was so annoyed. The other highlight was the obvious plant by the organization traveller. He would respond exactly like you were suppose to every joke, challenge, and motivational plea. The whole presentation was so painfully staged.

Finally, the speech was over and the individual pitch began. I told our sales guy, Glen, that I had now gone 45 minutes longer than my agreed upon 90 minutes. I shared that I had been very gracious and was ready to leave. Glen, then informs me that I should have been told that after the 90 minute presentation I was expected to give another hour. I declined the additional 60 minutes and he went and grabbed sleezy sales guy Brian. Brian then spent 10 minutes trying to guilt me into buying their vacation package. It is amazing how quickly these sales guys can go from being super polite to unbelievably rude.

I almost forgot to mention the best part of these presentations. The explanation how they aren’t a timeshare. They can’t stand timeshares which is why what they are selling isn’t one.

Brian finally realized that we weren’t going to buy anything (and that our kids had to go to the bathroom) and allowed Glen to let us leave. As we walked out, my wife overheard Brian talking to planted traveller about how he hates having kids at sales presentations. Needless to say, my wife was pretty irritated. Our kids had been less fidgety than we were during the sales presentation. They should have been given medals.

We were told to go downstairs, turn left, and visit the ticket area to get our luau tickets and chocolate covered macadamia nuts. The lady at the ticket area was less than excited to see us. She immediately informed me that they were out of chocolate covered macadamia nuts and we would have to settle for our luau tickets only. I was really looking forward to those chocolate covered macadamia nuts so that didn’t go over well with me. Lets just sum this up by saying her and I didn’t see eye to eye.

After she was done yelling at me, we agreed that she should go find some chocolate covered macadamia nuts. She marched out of her store and into the ABC Store next door. 5 minutes later she tossed me a case of chocolate covered macadamia nuts, cussed me out, and stormed back behind her desk.

I should have probably left. Instead I went back into the store and asked if she would validate my parking.

The vacation company was Just Dream. You can check out their website www.just-dream.com.

So if you are ever in Honolulu, beware of these guys. Here is a website of people, like the Canadian gal, that fell for their pitch.