
The Viking Chronicles #1
Crazy… I am sitting in Crowley, Texas inside my old bedroom that I had since I was 7 years old. Sixteen years later, a lot of growing up, a lot of life experiences; and I find myself HERE instead of the mountain life doing what I think I know best. My last fight was July 17th, 2010 and as I write this Thanksgiving is only days away. Normally by now I would be EXTREMELY frustrated, antsy, and stressed. I would constantly be thinking when is my next fight, against who, where, what promotion, who are my sponsors, what promotion, and why isn’t it tomorrow? I’d be trying to figure out how much closer this fight brings me to becoming my ultimate goal, a World Champion. I’d be weighing all the options, I’d be training every chance I got, and I would be on what I thought is the perfect path for my life. It’s funny, ironic, hard to understand and also perfect the way God works in our life. This hopefully short journey (season) of my life I believe is suppose to teach me something great and I can literally feel my perspective on life changing.
The reason I am brought back here is because I am sidelined with a herniated disc in my back and a few micro/partially torn muscles. My passion in life is mixed martial arts and I have been in the “head over heels” kind of love with the sport since the age of 13. I found myself infatuated with it after I went to a local flea market in the DFW metro-plex. Walking around that shady, scarcely English speaking, stolen good selling flea market I came across my first UFC, VHS tape. It was UFC 2, I got home, and waited for my somewhat conservative parents to go to sleep and I watched it from start to finish… Staying up till roughly 2 a.m., and then hid the tape between my mattress and box springs, what a rebel I was! THAT night I decided that is what I was going to do with my life. I told myself I don’t care what I have to do to get there; I am going be a “UFC fighter.”
I continued to save up my allowance, and any trip I took to “Traders Village” the flea market I would load up on every UFC, King of The Cage, and Pride fighting VHS, and DVD I could. I did this until I was caught over a year later. I even remember it was while watching the SNOOZEFEST between two of my favorite fighters Ken Shamrock and Dan “The Beast” Severn. My dad woke up and it was a school night… My parents have to walk by my bedroom (the one I am in now) if they were to get to the living room or kitchen. Because of this I would watch all of the fights with the volume off. It was past my bedtime and my Dad had seen the light coming from underneath my door. He opened the door and I instantly turned off the old, not so quiet TV and pretended I was asleep, I was busted. So from then on my Dad and I sort of battled each other on the whole fighting stuff. Instead of my parents stumbling across a stack of dirty videos and magazines under my bed… They came across the fact their son was an avid fight fan from an early age.
Needless to say my dad had a laugh, but not enough to let me keep the tapes. Of course back in the late 90’s MMA was still extremely misunderstood. The fighters were thought to have been “barbaric, barroom brawlers” and “human cock fighters” and my parents didn’t want their son seeing the violence. My father and I especially remember the very thing he said to me when he found those tapes and showed them to my mom. “Terri, you know he is going to try doing this someday right? He’s a little dare devil. Justin, don’t put your mother through this when you get older” I just smiled and assured them I had no such plan.
Fast forward 10 years to the present where I am 23 years old, I am now 13-2 professionally, I was a cast member of the most successful season of The Ultimate Fighter “Heavyweights”, and I lost a razor-thin split decision to the Champion of the show. Since the “TUF” experience I am back on the grind going 3-0. I am living on the tip top of a mountain, my house overlooks the skyline of downtown Denver, the other side looks at the continental divide. I train with what I think is the absolute best fight team in the World. I have the most intelligent, positive, and awesome trainer I have ever known. I train with the likes of Shane Carwin, Nate Marquardt, Rashad Evans, and Brendan Schaub on a regular basis. Not to mention guys like GSP, Jon Jones, Greg Jackson, Demico Rogers, Chaun Sims, Cody Donavan, Kevin Burns, Alvin Robinson, Clay Guida, and the list goes on, and on of who frequents the team I am a part of. I have the most amazing girlfriend, and I have been smitten by her for over 2 and a half years. I know she will be my future wife and I know I couldn’t come close to being happier with anyone else. I have amazing parents, and I have amazing supporters. If I had known this is the life I would be living when I was 13 years old I would have been SMITTEN with myself! I really would have thought the only thing that could have made it better was being the Champion right??? Well that would be totally wrong.
Upon finding out I would be cast on The Ultimate Fighter I held so tight to my dream of being the World Champion in the UFC… It was all I cared about, it’s what I just KNEW would make all my wildest dreams come true (lol). When I felt like I lost that dream I went spiraling down to the deepest, darkest, lonely place I could force myself into. I turned to lots and lots of drinking, I turned to drugs, I purposely secluded myself from most all of my family and every one of my friends. I used a poor excuse to go get my Medical Marijuana License just because I wanted to get high, so I could have at least a taste of happiness. There are weeks that are kind of flashes to me because I wasn’t sober, and there are people who I hurt badly because of not responding to text, calls, and emails. There is even the best friend who I missed his wedding… Not just any wedding, I missed being his groomsman and potential best man because of my depression. You could say I was a splendid friend to all the family, coaches, and friends who got me to where I was.
It’s crazy what we will put our faith in so that we will have a false state of happiness, which turned into a state of numbness for me. I actually started liking the numbness, a numbing sensation was much better to me than the problems and bad feelings I’d have to face sober. In this past December, January and February I was probably more drunk, high, or both than I was sober. There were weeks were I didn’t leave the house except to go to practice, occasionally, and the other times were to get alcohol and pot. I constantly drank myself to sleep, then would wake up and start my day off with a drink. I turned to the three D’s (drinking, drugs, and depression) to run my life and because of that I crushed a lot of things I worked to build. I crushed the hardest working, work ethic I have ever seen. I was nearly voted off from Grudge Training Center, the best team I have ever been a part of. I crushed a lot of friendships that it took years to build, and I’d say most of all I crushed virtually all of my hope, so much so that I was contemplating and almost decided to try to end my own life, while being drunk, high, and depressed.
Thank God I didn’t do that! I may be the one who dealt with those specific demons, but I am willing to bet that if you are reading this you have some sort of problems you had to deal with, or are currently dealing with as well. By writing this I am putting a lot of myself out there, and I have never been too public about any of this, but I am actually sharing this with you in joy. My life has slowed, slowed tremendously since The Ultimate Fighter. It has slowed from traveling from LA one weekend, to NYC the next, to Vegas the other then back home to Denver. It has even slowed from just normal life for me, with this injury I can’t really train all that much. I thought I could be getting ready for a fight by now but looks like it is taking longer than expected, and I am at an uncharacteristic ease, or rest.
Thank God I found a RELATIONSHIP with him, not a “Religion.” I have pretty much always believed in God, but something inside of me had some most definite hatred towards what I now know is Religion. I personally believe God is sickened by, disgusted by, and has extreme dislike towards Religion as well. I thought this “God stuff” had to do with pointing out everyone else’s faults, almost kicking a man while he is down and then hardly focusing on the one with no fault. I thought it was where people came up with rules where they twist and manipulate verses so that they can twist and manipulate people’s lives. I thought it was used to control, hurt, and tear people apart physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Man, God has really rocked my world since May of 2010! Sadly, Religion does do those awful things plus more. Religion is made by man, men will always make mistakes whether they are by mistake or premeditated. Relationship is the only thing that could have fulfilled me. As much as I love my relationship with Alyssa, my family, my friends, and my team it won’t ever completely fulfill me there would have always been that void. As long as I am putting my faith in myself, or in others, and of course alcohol or drugs I will always be disappointed. There is only one thing that won’t. I am so blessed to have found this out! In my life I will inevitably screw up time and time again, and he looks the other way when I do and focuses on the good. What kind of relationship is that? The perfect kind!
So, right now I am in a season of rest from training. Hopefully that will be only for a short time and I can fight in the first quarter of 2011, but if not, I am happy where I am. Currently I am traveling around the country with an organization called Champions for Life, a company who travels the world with professional athletes to speak to high schools, colleges, and prisoners and instills hope in people’s lives. The first time I went out with them I spoke to 2,000 prisoners at 4 different facilities, I get to talk to and hopefully help beaten and broken men in life. The statistics of men going back to prison after being released is 85%. If the men we speak to (millions) commit to Champions for Life mission the statistic changes drastically. Over 90% never see bars again, talk about a rewarding experience seeing hundreds or thousands of men who have no happiness, light up. I speak again December 2nd, 3rd, and 4th and then I head back to Colorado and can hopefully start training shortly after, but if not, God has it under control.
The story of how I got hooked up with Champions for Life will be something I blog about. It is one of the most incredible times of my life. Now trying to spread hope to men who are down in the deepest, darkest place they have been, kind of like where I was, is the most rewarding thing I have done with my life. Once my back heals I believe it will be the perfect timing. I will hit it hard and go after the same dreams I had before, the dreams I believe God instilled in me as a child. As for now, I will patiently and gladly wait until I can hit the training harder than I ever have. Henry Ford once said this little nugget of Gold “I believe God is managing my affairs and that He doesn’t need any advice from me. With God in charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about?”