Last November, I got a phone call from Fight Pastor asking if I wanted to go to UFC 106. It was happening the same week as my birthday. If you did not know UFC 106 was held at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. I could not think of a better way then to celebrate your birthday in Vegas. Little did I know that this would not be your typical Vegas experience. Some would hope for something that would resemble The Hangover. But let me tell you the closest that we got to the movie, was watching it at 9pm at night in our room before we went to bed.

Unlike Kermit, Fight Geek (who was also on the trip) and I ended up getting bumped to first class on the plane. That is just one of the awesome perks traveling with Fight Pastor. I had never been in First Class so I did not know what to expect. When I was seated, they handed me a water bottle the size of my pinky. After I stretched my legs admiring the leg room, I did what I typically do on a flight, put on my headphones and start to fall asleep, punking the person next to me letting them know that I do not want to engage in conversation about beans (that’s a story for a different day). But as I started to close my eyes, I thought to myself, this will only happen once so I might as well take it all in. So I put on a movie and waited for that awesome meal that I have heard so much about. Apparently times are not just hard on the ground but there is also a recession in the skies. The meal was not awesome. If I wanted leaves and pita bread then I was in heaven. But I did not, I wanted steak. So just to let you know first class meals are not good unless you are a vegan. But who cares, I could stretch my legs (Which was nice since I had a torn meniscus in one leg and a worn out acl in the other).  When we got off the plane we had a limo waiting for us. Trust me do the limo, a taxi is just 20 dollars cheaper. The limo driver told us that we got bumped up to a stretch because they were all out of the smaller ones. But the best part was the limo driver’s sign that read “Flight Pastor”. So for the rest of the trip we called him Flight Pastor.

First stop was the Mandalay Bay. The Lobby experience was enjoyable (Heavy on the sarcasm). We stood there for at least 45 minutes as Flight Pastor negotiated his way to a better room while getting distracted by fighters. We finally got there and Flight Pastor, Fight Geek and I all do different things when we arrived to the room. I ironed all my clothes and hung them up. Fight geek went to the bathroom; I think the Pita went straight through him. Flight Pastor started to get on the Computer, he says he was writing a blog and downloading pictures; personally I think he was farming on Farmville.

Next on the list was what you might consider crazy or fun depending who you are. For me it was Crazy at times and fun other times. This past time that I am referring to is stalking fighters. Just so you know if you got to Vegas with Flight Pastor this is what you will be doing 80% of the time.

I will never forget my first fighter stalking; it lasted almost a full two days. For the first couple of minutes I felt like CTU trying to catch Jack Bauer. Flight Pastor was getting other autographs with Fight Geek and they wanted me to follow Rumble Johnson. Rumble Johnson is not only a skilled fighter but an excellent ditcher. As I was following him I noticed he was on the phone. I wanted to give him respect and not bug him so I gave him distance until he got off the phone. Unfortunately, he was on the phone long enough for me to grow a beard (check out the pics on facebook). I followed him for at least 30 minutes. At this point I could care less about an autograph or picture, I just wanted to know how his battery could last that long without dying and also how I could get one. Finally after many escalators, slot machines, and pools he ditched us. Flight Pastor and Fight geek finally caught up with me after a long game of phone tag. Flight Pastor started to rag on me for being a nube. I hadn’t stalked anyone since freshman year of high school so I was a little out of practice (don’t ask). But this guy ditched all three of us as we were closing in…Crazy. However we waited outside the press conference the next day, where all the fighters were and took pictures with them as they walked out. Rumble Johnson was the first to come out. He left the press conference early telling them that he had been ditching some fans for the past couple of hours and felt bad…fun.

By time day two rolled around I had embraced the idea of getting stuff for free. We went to the WEC event where Jose Aldo pummeled Mike Brown for the first time; causing mike Brown to lose the title. Wait, sorry I am getting ahead of myself. When we first arrived to the Palms we met Chuck Liddell and Brian Broyles outside the WEC event.  Fight geek and I bought memorabilia that we could wear. We did not want to look like a couple of ritards (Hangover reference). The three of us then began to sit in our nose bleed seats. We noticed that our area was full and the rest of the arena was empty. So Flight Pastor and I asked if we could sit in the front row of the stands before the main event and when the show becomes live we will move back to our seats. They said that would be fine. Little did we know that no one claimed the seats we had for the whole night. So, we got to see the fights perfectly in the front row. Every time the camera was on us, we acted like crazy idiots. I told the guys that if we didn’t we were not doing the seats justice.

Let me fast forward through the week to UFC 106, because nothing really happened except Fight Pastor and I got into a fight about people going to movies, I paid a $30 dollar cab ride to buy Star Trek on Blu Ray, and other fight stalkers had a kid that threw up everywhere and they didn’t clean it up nor did they stop him from hugging the fighters when they came up to them.
The UFC event was a totally different atmosphere the WEC event. The WEC fight was in the palms which if you have been there it seats maybe 700, the MGM Grand seats 60,000. Still having the mentality of getting stuff for free, Flight Pastor and I sneak down to get autographs from fighters on the floor. We saw “The Iceman” again and went for it. As we got close he stopped signing autographs and taking pictures. Everybody started to leave or sit in their seats. I noticed that no one was sitting in the seats we were occupying in the front row. I told Flight Pastor we should sit here. As I looked around everyone was dressed in suits and had some super model chick with them. Flight Pastor informed me that these were $500 seats and if we got caught they would kick us out. I told him that we got upgraded to first class on a plane, instead of a normal limo we got a stretch, our room was upgraded to a bigger one, and we got to see the WEC event in the front row. Not to mention the day before I gambled with $30 and walked away with $42. I have successfully screwed Vegas and our luck is not running out. So we stayed. He continued to take pictures in his kaki cargo shorts and mma t-shirt and I sat there like I owned the place wearing jeans and a Silver Star shirt (we did not fit in at all). About 5 min later a security guard came up to us. (I almost crapped my pants) he told Flight Pastor that he was not allowed to take pictures with his camera because it had a detachable lens. So Flight Pastor had to go back and check it in, leaving me to fend for myself. The lights went down and the event began. Lights started flashing, music blaring, and fans were going ballistic. Still. I looked all the way back to our seats and saw Flight Pastor with Fight Geek. The first fight was on its way and still nothing. First round down and people were being seated and nothing. Second round and nothing. The beginning of the third round and I saw a massive group of people walking over from the tunnel. Two super models looked at there tickets and looked at me. Then I saw them start to ask the security guard where there seat was. I made like the flash and walked up the steps and did not look back. It may have been short lived, but for a sec I lived it up.

The rest of the trip was anti-climatic, 6 days in Vegas; stalking fighters got a little long. But it was definitely an experience that I will never forget. Thanks Flight Pastor and Fight Geek for a fun and memorable birthday.

Kermit, t0o bad that you did not get to ride first class; I still remember when you laid on top of me choking me out. Well I got be in first class and sit in the first row at a UFC event and meet almost every fighter…so with that, you have just been punked!!! Just kidding, I love you Kermit like a skinny kid loves salad.